“Defend Mi”, oil on canvas 12x16”, 2022

“Defend Mi'“ is a self portrait and a reflection of how I perceive my younger self. The many arrows piercing the figure without blood (similar to paintings of Saint Sebastian) symbolize my religious trauma and how the Catholic ideas I was raised on still affect my self worth. The way the armor is in the same style and colors as the spears shows how I still believe in God and use spirituality to guide my understanding of universe, however the crown is twisted and no longer reflects the traditional peace dove that symbolizes the holy spirit, demonstrating how I am unlearning the Western and colonist ways of thinking associated with Christianity. The X going through the eyes and head of the figure are inspired by Matthew 7:3, which reads, “Why do you look at the splinter in your brother's eye but don't notice the beam of wood in your own?”. This is a reminder to myself of how I should not enforce my ways of religious thinking onto others, and how it is better to reflect upon my actions than to judge others for theirs. The figure is raising their skirt as if to take a step forward, but their posture is stiff and unmoving, reflecting my will to grow and explore but holding myself back out of fear. The illustrative bar at the bottom is meant to emulate an HP bar around the character’s icon, and buttons for changing one’s weapon, going to home base, and using potions like in a video game. In general, this piece was an opportunity for me to explore the visual style I want to continue using in the future, but also reflect on my old thought patterns so I can break free from them and be a more liberated person and artist.